


He Used to Be Mine

by Ladybugtrashcan



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, Mention of eating disorder, Sadness, honestly IDK what prompted me to do this, vague af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 08:07:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8278811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladybugtrashcan/pseuds/Ladybugtrashcan
Summary: He's imperfect but he triesHe is good but he liesHe is hard on himselfHe is broken and won't ask for help





	

_He's imperfect but he tries_  
_He is good but he lies_  
_He is hard on himself_  
_He is broken and won't ask for help_

\-----

The blue rain hit the pavement with soft sodden _plunks._

Drip, drip, drip, went the raindrops that fells off Yu-topia’s slanted roof.

Victor Nikiforov sat on the porch, legs dangling uselessly. He sat motionless, letting the drops from the roof fall on his unprotected bowed head.

_Drip, drop, plunk._

He remembers a memory incased in ice and easy confidence. Of a YouTube video and a man with eyes that held the stars.

He remembers memories surrounded by watery tears and stubbornness. Of pushing and pulling and falling.

He remembers memories covered in warmth and loving. Of being a bit too close under covers too small to share during winter.

And most importantly he regrets. Regrets being a bit too harsh here and too oblivious there. Regrets being too late.

Always too late.

\------------

Yuri Plisetky stands outside the gate of a closed onsen. His shoulders feel heavy, too heavy for a nineteen-year-old child. Raindrops plop against his umbrella.

_Plink, plop, plunk._

He stares, unseeing, at his coach sitting on the front steps, the entrance bared from further entry. He knew Victor would be here. A place haunted by happy memories of care-free skaters working towards victory. 

_Plink, plop, plunk._ Yuri cries silently, his tears mixing with raindrops.

\---------

Minako-san arrives later, pulling them away from melancholy and bringing them to her dance studio.

She shows them pictures. Lots of them, from time way past to the most recent one she carried on her cell-phone. They go to the bar later, drink until the sadness stings a little less.

She hugs them both goodbye, drunkenly slurring _come back again._ Tears prick her eyes as she watches them walk away. The rain’s finally lightening up.

_Drip…. Drip…. Drop._

Goodbyes are harder now. Once they are gone, Minako goes back inside to grab another drink. Just one more to numb the pain.

\-----

The world championships. Something that Victor had won five times and what both Yuri’s _dreamed_ of.

The day came. Everyone performed. Scores were announced. Neither of them won.

Victor praised both of them, Yuri with second and Yurio with fourth, a great accomplishment for both.

_Not good enough, their brains whispered to them._

\-----

Yuri Katsuki needed to win. Everything, everything would depend on his win. Because Yuri had promised himself that he would confess to Victor if he won. No more _almost_ moments. Since realizing that he loved Victor, Yuri had pushed his feelings to the back of his mind. And he needed to push Victor away, or he would never meet his goal. Skating came first, and his feelings would only be cumbersome to Victor. But if he won, then his goals would be accomplished and he could finally tell him the truth.

So he trained. His every waking hour was training, pushing and pushing himself when no one was looking. Victor pushed him too.

So when he collapsed from exhaustion one day, he brushed Victors concerns off. It was his fault he collapsed anyways, so no need to slow down.

Yuri continued his hellish regime. He didn’t eat much, since his weight was such an issue. Yuri feared one day being called Piggy again by Victor if he stepped out of his diet once.

Soon enough, it wasn’t about loving Victor anymore. Yuri worried constantly about displeasing or losing Victor’s favor. Trying to be perfect every waking moment can push anyone to the edge.

And then Yurio started to pass Yuri in skill, and his desperation reached new peaks. Panic attacks became a part of Yuri’s waking life. His heartbeat started to reverberate in his empty chest, pounding against his ribcage as his heart tried to escape its confines.

But Yuri acted like everything was alright. He doesn’t want to back down from a challenge. Once the World Championship comes again he’ll return back to his normal self, and eat his favorite meal at his parents Onsen.

Victor, Yurio, Minako, and his parent’s don’t notice the pale mask Yuri quietly slipped on. His laughter felt hollow to his ears, but no one noticed. His ribs protruded from his chest, but Victor made no comment when he got too close in the bath. 

And when Yuri went to bed at night, he tried to convince himself that he really was alright. And even if he wasn't, he didn't want to worry anyone. 

\------

Victor knew something was wrong. For someone who had trouble keeping weight off, Yuri seemed to be losing pounds every day. His face had become paler, and he needed to take more frequent breaks to rest. For a while Victor thought he was getting closer to Yuri, until one day he just shut him out.

Yuri would disappear for minutes at a time, and would keep his mouth shut when Victor asked him where he went. He would wobble somedays when coming off the ice, as if his legs couldn’t withstand his weight.

But Yuri said he was fine, and the fire still burned behind his eyes. So Victor ignored the signs, like the stupid idiot he was.

Except once, he didn’t. Yuri sat next to him in the bath one day, the warmth of the bath just barely warming his pupil’s cheeks. Victor wanted to make a full blush spread across Yuri’s face, so he saddled up next to him and laid a bare arm against Yuri’s naked back.

Yuri spluttered like usual, and tried to break Victor’s hold. Victor gave him a squeeze, and startled at how thin and small Yuri’s back seemed to be. His ducked his head down to Yuri’s shoulder, and quietly murmured _are you alright?_

Yuri softened to his touch.

 _Yeah,_ He replied.

And then he left, letting Victor’s arm drop. Victor let him go.

He shouldn’t have let him go.

\-------

The world championship came again upon the trio with deep seated excitement. Yuri had pushed himself extra hard for just his moment. He wouldn’t fail again, like he had the last time. So he danced his routine to his upmost perfection, and his performance stunned the audience. Some even say he resembled an angel, taking a break from his heavenly duties to perform for a human crowd.

Yuri left the stage with a smile of bliss, his soul glowing in its worn-out container. Victor had tears in his eyes when Yuri excited the ring, and quickly pulled Yuri into a tight hug. In the heat of the moment, Victor didn’t realize how skinny Yuri had become.

Yuri had to fight right then and there not to blurt his confession out to Victor. He hadn’t won yet.

The scores were announced, with Yuri beating Victor’s highest score. He had won! Celebration erupted in the stands, and Yuri skated out to get his first place award.

\-----

The three retreated to the hotel to celebrate. Yuri tried to eat a big meal, but his stomach quaked at the thought of it. So he nibbled, blamed his poor appetite on excitement, and carried on. Soon it was late, and Yuri found himself yawning. Victor caught him in the act, and he smiled sleepily at his beloved teacher.

The two found themselves in the dim lit hallway of the hotel, Victor swiping the card to his door. Yuri fidgeted in place, his feet planted to the spot. His words failed him, so when Victor went to say goodnight, Yuri jumped and kissed him. Victor started in surprise at first, before quickly tugging Yuri into the room.

Together they both discovered the love they shared for each other. Kisses and promises were exchanged in the pristine white hotel bed. Yuri glowed under Victor’s touch, his worries melting against his beaten body. Yuri fell into a deep, comfortable sleep, the first in the longest time.

\-----

Yuri Katsuki did not wake up the next morning, or any morning after. When Victor awoke and tried to wake his sleeping lover, he thought it odd that he was so quiet. When he realized no movement arose from his chest, Victor quickly sprang into action. Paramedics came, but it was already too late. Over exhaustion, anemia, poor body weight, and bad nutrition were the causes of death, said the doctor. There was nothing Victor could’ve done that morning that would have changed those facts.

Yet still, Victor could’ve prevented his death. He should’ve know! Realized! He had lost the love of his life, and he had been the one that killed them.

\-----

Yu-Topia closed soon after Yuri’s death. The family couldn’t keep up with the condolences any longer. Victor had cut off all contact, so when he didn’t know.

So when Victor returned to find the building closed, it became another burden that sat upon his chest. He had let his beloved’s childhood home fall into disrepair. The guilt swirled around him like a thick, suffocating fog, and no matter what he did would make it dissipate.

Victor grabbed and tugged sharply upon his silver hair, it too falling into a misshapen shape. He would’ve stayed there for eternity without the soft tug of Minako’s hand.

Victor didn’t know what to do. Makkachin had passed a year ago, and nothing pushed Victor to get a new dog. The ice didn’t solve the problems that it used to, but instead left him with a horrid taste in his mouth.

_Ah, he thought. It Hurts. He’s gone, but he used to be mine._

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I realized I spelt Viktors name wrong. My B. I'll fix it tomorrow. Also, I'm planning to add a heavier sex scene, but I'm too tired right now. So stay tuned.


End file.
